at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Randomize
