there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Randomize
