angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Randomize
