Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
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