I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Randomize
