Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
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