So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
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