He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
