My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
