did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
the night ended with taco bell and tears
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
