I heard we made out
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
So here I am, sexting at work.
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