there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
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