Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
