I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
