He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
