Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
