theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
