Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
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