I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
