I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Randomize
