im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
