so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I just forgot I was standing up.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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