do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
