guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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