his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
