I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
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