all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
