my soul wont recognize me after tonight
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
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