I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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