Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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