You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Randomize
