I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Randomize
