is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Randomize
