you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
