you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
