Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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