Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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