It's like God shit irony all over that family
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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