is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
