P.S. I can't hear my feet
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
