I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
