and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
We have so much sex to catch up on
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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