I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
