i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
ugly people sure do ruin things
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
