i barfeds in our rink
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
