Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
