he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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