he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Randomize
