I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
