You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
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