youre lurking in front of me
My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
