don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
