her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
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How's work?
Spinning.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize