I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Randomize
