so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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