I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize