remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
