Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
