: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
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