They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize
