I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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