and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Randomize
