I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
