Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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