I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
