Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
