its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
