My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I have fence marks all over my body
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
