is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
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He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
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I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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