Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Soap is not a condiment
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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