Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Randomize
