one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
