dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
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